The Micah Sutra

Volume XIX

The Shakespearean Sutra

In Celebration of Shakespeare’s Birthday

Today I sing to you of love and sex

Within these verses advice is contained

Through stories recalled in lines of black text

Yon problems are hereby fully explained

You sing to me of yonder beaten balls

Of manhood that rarely will hold erect

Though issues serious one and them all

With much humor to them I shall inspect

You wretched misfits with sexual ails

Ill-fated lovers who haven’t a clue

Spin me your saddest of sexual tails

Send me your stories, but only if true

William’s shadow so bawdy and bold

A Shakespearean sutra for you to unfold

Now, as the time is both limited, precious, and few

On to the advice, without further ado

Dear Sutra,

Speaking of sex questions - What sex are you? Man, woman, transsexual, homo, or what? It's impossible to tell from your androgynous name, baby photo, and current photo. Can you really answer any questions, when it seems your life's most basic question has not been answered?

John Holmes

Meditations on First Questions

Dearest Holmes, your letter is certainly fair

Though I must say as a reader, your prowess is poor

Though possessed of androgynous features and hair

My dear sir, I’ve revealed this secret before

Look to the archives for letters of yore

Wherein you will find that occasions abound

Where I spoke of my sexual organs and more

I believe that therein your answer is found

I must say that it seems you are somewhat confused

As you say that my “sex” is tween homo or not

The choice is to lie with whomever we choose

While “gender” deals simply with organs you’ve got

To save you time searching without the avail

I gladly report, I’m a hetero male

Dear Sutra,

Thanks for the asphyxiation info you gave a while back, here’s a follow up: I know your not a doctor, but what are your thoughts on how hard is too hard when it comes to having your balls beaten, squeezed and tugged.  I mean in the good kink way, not the torturous kill your future children way.  Unlike getting choked,
I kinda like this one.  You think this will leave me crippled or with balls of steal?

Whipping boy,

The Poor Trampling Boy

Dear Whipping, your question is frightfully strange

I will parley an answer, but not at much length

Though the constant ball lashings may thrill you with pain

There is nary a chance to increase your balls’ strength

Moderation is the key to any painful pursuit

You must balance the pleasure and danger you face

You may delight at the feel of a testicle boot

But may suffer from problems surrounding your waist

“How hard?” is a relative question for certain

This depends on the relative strength you possess

At first it feels good but the pain may soon worsen

If you feel too much pain, I’d say gentler’s best

Some people take punishment better than some

So be careful to cease ‘fore your region goes numb

Dear Sutra,

What is your favorite sexual position?

Betsy

Supping at the Amazing Grace

My Favorite positions do tend to vary

Depending on partner, mood, and ambition

Sometimes from behind, other times missionary

Just a few recipes from my sexual kitchen

There is one position that I do tend to favor

Where my lover does straddle my head from above

From there do I savor the sights, smells, and flavor

For pleasuring oral, ‘tis one that I love

As far as for coitus, most angles please well

Though familiar emotion can add to the pleasure

The future will teach me new things I can tell

And each new position is one I shall treasure

For sex, each position has good points, ‘tis true

If you’d like I might try some positions with you

Dear Sutra,

I am over fifty years old, and recently my boyfriend seems to be interested in 18 year olds. I don't know how to compete with these younger women, with their tight young bodies.

What should I do?

Thanks, Titicaca

A Woman’s Worth Is Never Done

The womanly sage adds much to our lives

They are pillars of culture and leaders of men

They are workers, specialists, lovers and wives

From their stories, we see where society’s been

With age and experience, some women grow wise

Their technique perfected, their sensual peak

Their sexual tastes may continue to rise

While husbands seek youth, and turn a blind cheek

If your lover’s obsessed with virginity’s squeeze

And neglecting to treat you the way you desire

Remember, you may have whomever you please

Perhaps a young stallion will kindle your fire

The virtues of youth are both fleeting and cruel

Remember your virtues and be no man’s fool

Dear Sutra,

What if I had sex with my girlfriend without putting on a condom, will she get pregnant?

Anonymous

The Breeder

I don’t rush to insult those weak in mentation

But your letter is more than a little inane

I say this to you with no slight hesitation

The problem, I think, resides with your brain

Rather, with knowledge conspicuously missing

Or things you’ve learned and then forgotten

For humanity’s future, I find myself wishing

Tomorrow, you wake up with genitals rotten

Please break with your lover, make no plans for sex

Continue your breeding and all will be cursed

I’m not feared of your frigging, but what will come next

Yet more simple breeders, What could be worse?

So, please wear your condom, insufferable simp

‘Tis the small separation ‘tween you and the chimp

Good Fortune for Life and Love

A delicate issue is found in the leaving

I must bid adieu to my readers and friends

Do stay your commotion, sadness and grieving

A good thing remains good, as it comes to an end

Thou hast entrusted your stories of woe

I’ve shared my opinions, to whatever ends

If I have thus helped thee, I hope it is so

I will now share your problems with all of my friends

So gather your problems and tell me your fears

Compose me your cleverest letters of shame

Upon my receipt I will share in your tears

And promise dear friends, to conceal your good name

So for your life and love, I wish you all luck

Whether seeking true love or merely a F**K